My first met-you-on-the-internet date was fine. It certainly wasn't good. The guy was the Real Life Version of Comic Book Guy from The Simpson. Voice and all. But I rallied through it enough to be willing to try it again - with someone else from the internet.
Internet Guy #2. He was a straight-up geek from the get-go. He made no excuses or denials of that fact. And I was fully aware. I thought, "Well... maybe I'm really in to RenFairs and I just never knew it." So we chatted for a few weeks and I decided now-or-never. We set a date. Thing is, I was petrified. I begged a friend of mine to come along and, because she's a true friend, she agreed. We met at on the UChicago campus (where he was a grad student). The plan for the evening was that he was going to teach me how to play Go. (A game I'm fascinated with, and have always wanted to learn, but can't ever quite get the hang of.) We show up. He begins his lessons. The inital awkwardness doesn't seem to be fading quite as quickly as I think it should. I make a silly move, he goes in to pat me on the shoulder in a teasing way but hesitates on his way in and then quickly hits me and backs off like my shoulder was a hot pan. I think, ooooookay. He's not into me. That's fine. We'll just wrap this up. We eventually do, we're walking toward the door... my friend and I say our thanks for his hospitatly and lessons and such and we turn to leave and he opens his arms to me. I think, okay fine - a hug is an okay thing. I go in for the hug and he goes in for a kiss.
Whooooooooa there.
I sort of back up a little, but by this point his already got his arms around me so I can't go very far. He gets the idea, though. I give him a quick pat on the back and say, "Thanks again!" And I bolt.
After about 120 seconds of utter silence while walking back to the car, my friend and I burst out laughing. She reassured me that there were no social cues that should have led up to him thinking a good night kiss was okay - plus, my friend was standing right there saying her goodbyes, too! She didn't need to witness a first-date make-out.
Poor guy is too smart for his own good.
All that and I still don't know how to play Go.
~ Dinah
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Not Manly Enough
So I meet this guy “Gabriel” online and we hit it off pretty well. We exchanged emails for a couple weeks and decide to meet. I was pretty excited to meet this guy because he seemed to have a good personality and we had quite a bit in common. We decide to meet at FlatTop Grill in the West Loop. I get there a few minutes early so I can get a drink to help calm my nerves. A few minutes later he walks in and comes over to me. As soon as he spoke I was immediately turned off! This might sound sound awful, but he had an extremely girly sounding voice. It was so unattractive I could not get past it, no matter how the date went.
After dinner we went to the bar to have a couple drinks. Note: I am a smoker and do not hide it what so ever. After a decent amount of time trying to calm my urge for a cigarette, I said I was going to excuse myself for a few minuets to have a quick smoke. He immediately looks at me and says “You Smoke?" I’m like “Um, yeah! I have it listed on my Internet profile!” Then he tries to make a joke of it... "It's not big deal." But get real, if you make a comment about smoking then of course it’s a big deal to you. If you don’t like smokers than you should review profiles a little more carefully. I’m not going to stop smoking for anyone except for myself and, good, bad or indifferent, I still enjoy it so I’m not stopping anytime soon. Needless to say, I didn’t see the girly-sounding, anti-smoker again!
~Violet
After dinner we went to the bar to have a couple drinks. Note: I am a smoker and do not hide it what so ever. After a decent amount of time trying to calm my urge for a cigarette, I said I was going to excuse myself for a few minuets to have a quick smoke. He immediately looks at me and says “You Smoke?" I’m like “Um, yeah! I have it listed on my Internet profile!” Then he tries to make a joke of it... "It's not big deal." But get real, if you make a comment about smoking then of course it’s a big deal to you. If you don’t like smokers than you should review profiles a little more carefully. I’m not going to stop smoking for anyone except for myself and, good, bad or indifferent, I still enjoy it so I’m not stopping anytime soon. Needless to say, I didn’t see the girly-sounding, anti-smoker again!
~Violet
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Persistence isn't always best...
Last Summer was “that summer” (the one most women I know seem to go through). I had just broken up with my first love and wasn’t really desiring a new relationship, so I ended up dating a string of very bizarre men. About half-way through the summer(and given my last relationship), my friends made 3 simple rules of dating:
1st Encounter: I was working at a steakhouse. Bily comes in for dinner with his parents. I take note of the cute boy, but I was slammed and he was with his parents. Oh well. I leave that job and head directly to my second job- bartender in town. I bolt to the back to change, run out because I’m late, run up to the first customer, “What can I get you?” I look up, it’s him. As the bar starts to slow down, we chat. He seems nice, another-bartender (and a friend of mine) knows him and approves, I give him my number- even my real one!
2nd Encounter: We go out with friends to a bonfire, turns out he’s cousin with a friend of mine. Not sure I like that idea, but ok, we'll roll with it. Nice enough bonfire, kinda awkward at times, but we seem into the same things. While I don't work with him, he's a regular at BOTH my places of employment. This is an almost-violation of Rule 2. So this is a strike 1, but decide to roll with it. (But the violation is noted.)
3rd Encounter: We set up a date for dinner. I spend the day on the river with friends, saying I’m not sure I want to go out that night. They convince me I must and I’m only backing out because of the recent break-up. Okay, fine. Bily's supposed to call after he gets out of work. I decide to wait until then to change for the date. He texts, an hour after he’s supposed to CALL, “just got out of work, stopping at the mall, call you when I’m done.” At 11pm, after I haven't heard from him, I do the stupid thing of calling him to make sure he wasn't in an accident or something (because then I'd feel REALLY bad for being mad that he hadn't called). He answers nanchaluntly: "Want to get a drink?" Umm... Nooooooooo. Yeah. Strike 2. Big time.
Mezzanine Encounters: After being stood up by the one doing the pursuing, I didn't really make much of an effort to make contact. There were a few conversonations, he'd show up at the bar. He'd say he was sorry - he didn't know why he did that. He knew it was mean, he feels bad, blah blah blah. So I give him another chance (much against my friend's advise).
(Almost) 4th Encounter: I text him one night because I was getting out of work really early and was going to the beach to watch the sunset- something I never get to do in the summer with my jobs. I asked him if he’d like to join: “Nah, not much of a beach person. But call me when you’re back.” Again. Nahhhh… I don’t care if you’re not a beach person. It’s sunset! We’re not going swimming, you can wear your jeans. I’m in my work uniform! (Not that I actually said any of this.) Hardcore STRIKE 3! At the beach I decide this isn't going to ever work so I call him to let him down easy. Which is when he went off for twenty minutes about how he's changed and grown (in the three weeks we've hung out? We've never even been on a date!) and that he made a mistake and he's sorry and I menat a lot to him and... That he loved me. I sat there on the beach with my mouth totally agape. "Bily. Are you drunk?" Unfortuantely, he wasn't.
5th Encounter: That’s right. There’s more. I went into the bar I work at one night to see some girlfriends that were there. We’re sitting chatting and Bily comes in. When I go to get my next drink, I stop to say hi, we exchange nice-ities. It’s been a while. He comes and sits next to me at one point when my friends use the restroom. One friend returns so I go back to talking with her. He gets upset that I’m not paying attention to him. He's drunk now. He sits at another table. He calls me over and asks what all the “mixed signals” are about. I point out that I just trying to be friendly, that I’m still not looking for a relationship, and that I don’t think we’d work out. He turns away from the table and mutters (but I still hear him), “Well, fuck you.” Nice. Do we even count strikes after #3? (This would be Strike 4.)
Bily would continue to show up at my bar and text me periodically. He still asks me out. How many times does he need to hear "no"? To make matters worse: I'm applying for a job with his mom. Fun.
Lesson: Screw three strikes your out. Kick ‘em out ASAP or they’ll be around for ever. And maybe even screw those rules. If they’re still single or haven’t reproduced (at least in Michigan) by this age, they seem to all be…nuts. Or better yet- maybe it’s time for me to move!
~Lory
1) The guys have to be single, never married.I was 23. It should NOT have been that hard to meet men that met all 3 requirements. Well, it WAS. Most guys up here violate 1 and 3, and 2 seemed to be a problem for me. So I did finally meet someone that fulfilled all three rules… Bily.
2) They can't be someone I work with.
3) No children.
1st Encounter: I was working at a steakhouse. Bily comes in for dinner with his parents. I take note of the cute boy, but I was slammed and he was with his parents. Oh well. I leave that job and head directly to my second job- bartender in town. I bolt to the back to change, run out because I’m late, run up to the first customer, “What can I get you?” I look up, it’s him. As the bar starts to slow down, we chat. He seems nice, another-bartender (and a friend of mine) knows him and approves, I give him my number- even my real one!
2nd Encounter: We go out with friends to a bonfire, turns out he’s cousin with a friend of mine. Not sure I like that idea, but ok, we'll roll with it. Nice enough bonfire, kinda awkward at times, but we seem into the same things. While I don't work with him, he's a regular at BOTH my places of employment. This is an almost-violation of Rule 2. So this is a strike 1, but decide to roll with it. (But the violation is noted.)
3rd Encounter: We set up a date for dinner. I spend the day on the river with friends, saying I’m not sure I want to go out that night. They convince me I must and I’m only backing out because of the recent break-up. Okay, fine. Bily's supposed to call after he gets out of work. I decide to wait until then to change for the date. He texts, an hour after he’s supposed to CALL, “just got out of work, stopping at the mall, call you when I’m done.” At 11pm, after I haven't heard from him, I do the stupid thing of calling him to make sure he wasn't in an accident or something (because then I'd feel REALLY bad for being mad that he hadn't called). He answers nanchaluntly: "Want to get a drink?" Umm... Nooooooooo. Yeah. Strike 2. Big time.
Mezzanine Encounters: After being stood up by the one doing the pursuing, I didn't really make much of an effort to make contact. There were a few conversonations, he'd show up at the bar. He'd say he was sorry - he didn't know why he did that. He knew it was mean, he feels bad, blah blah blah. So I give him another chance (much against my friend's advise).
(Almost) 4th Encounter: I text him one night because I was getting out of work really early and was going to the beach to watch the sunset- something I never get to do in the summer with my jobs. I asked him if he’d like to join: “Nah, not much of a beach person. But call me when you’re back.” Again. Nahhhh… I don’t care if you’re not a beach person. It’s sunset! We’re not going swimming, you can wear your jeans. I’m in my work uniform! (Not that I actually said any of this.) Hardcore STRIKE 3! At the beach I decide this isn't going to ever work so I call him to let him down easy. Which is when he went off for twenty minutes about how he's changed and grown (in the three weeks we've hung out? We've never even been on a date!) and that he made a mistake and he's sorry and I menat a lot to him and... That he loved me. I sat there on the beach with my mouth totally agape. "Bily. Are you drunk?" Unfortuantely, he wasn't.
5th Encounter: That’s right. There’s more. I went into the bar I work at one night to see some girlfriends that were there. We’re sitting chatting and Bily comes in. When I go to get my next drink, I stop to say hi, we exchange nice-ities. It’s been a while. He comes and sits next to me at one point when my friends use the restroom. One friend returns so I go back to talking with her. He gets upset that I’m not paying attention to him. He's drunk now. He sits at another table. He calls me over and asks what all the “mixed signals” are about. I point out that I just trying to be friendly, that I’m still not looking for a relationship, and that I don’t think we’d work out. He turns away from the table and mutters (but I still hear him), “Well, fuck you.” Nice. Do we even count strikes after #3? (This would be Strike 4.)
Bily would continue to show up at my bar and text me periodically. He still asks me out. How many times does he need to hear "no"? To make matters worse: I'm applying for a job with his mom. Fun.
Lesson: Screw three strikes your out. Kick ‘em out ASAP or they’ll be around for ever. And maybe even screw those rules. If they’re still single or haven’t reproduced (at least in Michigan) by this age, they seem to all be…nuts. Or better yet- maybe it’s time for me to move!
~Lory
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Taking Your Girlfriend to Work
Jenny and I had been dating for about three months or so, and although I was really beginning to like her, I had the slightest suspicion that she was keeping something from me. I wasn't quite sure what it was, but toward the last few weeks I had begun to feel doubtful about her. I was thinking of sitting down with her and talking to her about it, but we were on our way to a Christmas party in the city and I didn't want to bring the topic up that evening.
The party we were going to was being hosted by a close friend of mine from high school, and I had been very open with her about being bisexual. The fact that I was bringing a female date along with me didn't matter to my friend at all. Jenny, on the other hand, was still very much closeted around family and friends. Throughout my friend's party, she seemed very withdrawn, a little aggravated even. I thought maybe her being so far in the closet was what had been bugging me this whole time, that maybe this was the problem with our relationship and why she seemed so awkward at the party.
As we were leaving the party, Jenny asked if we could make a brief stop at one of her friend's places on the south side of the city. I told her that would be fine, so we hopped in her car and she sped down to 95th Street. She pulled down a dark alley and told me to wait in the car as she had some business to take care of inside. Mildly frightened being alone in a car on the south side at midnight, I watched her closely as she greeted her friend at the door in the alley way. Upon closer examination, I discovered she was selling and/or buying drugs from her "friend!" After several long minutes, I saw her vanish behind the door, heard sirens from a police car blocks away, and decided NOT to sit around waiting in the car but instead grabbed my purse and ran for the closest L stop.
I tried calling Jenny's cell phone a few times while waiting for a train, but she never answered. The following morning I tried to call her again, but she still didn't answer. Needless to say, she never called me back either, and I never got the chance to sit down with her and talk things out as I had hoped to. Oh well, at least I figured out what had been bothering me so much: apparently, Jenny was a drug dealer.
~ Alice
The party we were going to was being hosted by a close friend of mine from high school, and I had been very open with her about being bisexual. The fact that I was bringing a female date along with me didn't matter to my friend at all. Jenny, on the other hand, was still very much closeted around family and friends. Throughout my friend's party, she seemed very withdrawn, a little aggravated even. I thought maybe her being so far in the closet was what had been bugging me this whole time, that maybe this was the problem with our relationship and why she seemed so awkward at the party.
As we were leaving the party, Jenny asked if we could make a brief stop at one of her friend's places on the south side of the city. I told her that would be fine, so we hopped in her car and she sped down to 95th Street. She pulled down a dark alley and told me to wait in the car as she had some business to take care of inside. Mildly frightened being alone in a car on the south side at midnight, I watched her closely as she greeted her friend at the door in the alley way. Upon closer examination, I discovered she was selling and/or buying drugs from her "friend!" After several long minutes, I saw her vanish behind the door, heard sirens from a police car blocks away, and decided NOT to sit around waiting in the car but instead grabbed my purse and ran for the closest L stop.
I tried calling Jenny's cell phone a few times while waiting for a train, but she never answered. The following morning I tried to call her again, but she still didn't answer. Needless to say, she never called me back either, and I never got the chance to sit down with her and talk things out as I had hoped to. Oh well, at least I figured out what had been bothering me so much: apparently, Jenny was a drug dealer.
~ Alice
Thursday, February 5, 2009
The Begger
On my second date with Mr. Mature, I invited him over to my house to watch a movie in the afternoon. We ended up spending the afternoon and evening together – we had a lot of fun, laughs, and great conversation. As the evening wore on into the early morning we started playing around a little. However, the play started out fine but then quickly went downhill.
It started with the fact that he was having a difficult time expressing his excitement. I’m well aware that this is a common enough thing for guys, especially those over 35, and given my pre-existing exhaustion, I suggested we call it a night and revisit the play another time. But, oooh no. He was determined. He was determined for two hours… until he threw his back out.
Believe it or not, at this point I just want the night to be over. But, oooh no. I need to try to help him get his back realigned (or something) which requires him to lay on the floor of my bedroom (naked) twisting and turning in all kinds of unattractive ways. So now I’m exhausted, not interested in continuing this night, and really really annoyed. So I work up my courage and ask him to leave.
This is when the shit hit the fan. It started a little like this:
“Please don’t make me go home.”
“Well, I really think it’s best at this point.”
“Please please don’t make me leave.”
“The stuff to make your back better is at home and I really need to get to sleep.”
“I’ll do anything, just let me sleep here with you.”
Okay. Let me be clear. This is in NO WAY sweet, cute, or romantic. All sexual interest I had in the man slipped away as I watched him flip flop on my bedroom floor grunting in pain and making faces like he had gas. And now he was begging. BEGGING! The dialogue went on for probably fifteen minutes total. There were hugs and whining and pleading and... ick.
Eventually the poor guy relented and agreed to go home, but not before he kindly informed me that his friends were really excited to meet his new girlfriend.
“Girlfriend?” I said.
“Well, you are, aren’t you?”
“Um. I think we should have this conversation sometime that isn’t tonight.”
The next day I told him I didn’t see things working out with us… via email. I still regret not being a bigger person and at least calling him up. I really hope he’s happy… elsewhere.
~ Dinah
PS ~ A lesson: Not only is someone not your girlfriend after the second date, but she’s not after the twelfth, either, if you haven’t had a conversation about it with her.
It started with the fact that he was having a difficult time expressing his excitement. I’m well aware that this is a common enough thing for guys, especially those over 35, and given my pre-existing exhaustion, I suggested we call it a night and revisit the play another time. But, oooh no. He was determined. He was determined for two hours… until he threw his back out.
Believe it or not, at this point I just want the night to be over. But, oooh no. I need to try to help him get his back realigned (or something) which requires him to lay on the floor of my bedroom (naked) twisting and turning in all kinds of unattractive ways. So now I’m exhausted, not interested in continuing this night, and really really annoyed. So I work up my courage and ask him to leave.
This is when the shit hit the fan. It started a little like this:
“Please don’t make me go home.”
“Well, I really think it’s best at this point.”
“Please please don’t make me leave.”
“The stuff to make your back better is at home and I really need to get to sleep.”
“I’ll do anything, just let me sleep here with you.”
Okay. Let me be clear. This is in NO WAY sweet, cute, or romantic. All sexual interest I had in the man slipped away as I watched him flip flop on my bedroom floor grunting in pain and making faces like he had gas. And now he was begging. BEGGING! The dialogue went on for probably fifteen minutes total. There were hugs and whining and pleading and... ick.
Eventually the poor guy relented and agreed to go home, but not before he kindly informed me that his friends were really excited to meet his new girlfriend.
“Girlfriend?” I said.
“Well, you are, aren’t you?”
“Um. I think we should have this conversation sometime that isn’t tonight.”
The next day I told him I didn’t see things working out with us… via email. I still regret not being a bigger person and at least calling him up. I really hope he’s happy… elsewhere.
~ Dinah
PS ~ A lesson: Not only is someone not your girlfriend after the second date, but she’s not after the twelfth, either, if you haven’t had a conversation about it with her.
Monday, February 2, 2009
The Slobby Lobby Crasher
I had just moved to Chicago from a small town on the East Coast and had no clue how to navigate the CTA, especially the Clark & Lake transfer from the Green Line to the Brown Line. I promptly asked a young man sitting next to me if he could tell me which way to go, and with his response he asked for my name and cell phone number. I thought he looked like a decent guy, and I was desperately in need of meeting new friends in my new home, so I gave him my number. I found out his name was John, and he lived in Lincoln Park.
Two days later John called and asked me if I wanted to meet for drinks after work sometime. Because I was still new to the city and unsure of myself, he suggested we meet at a pub in my neighborhood. I thought this sounded like a great idea, so I met him at my favorite bar just a few blocks away from my new apartment.
John kept buying the two of us gin & tonics, probably trying to get me to loosen up a little bit, as he could tell I was nervous. However, being a smart woman, I try to avoid drinking with people I barely know, so I only sipped one of the drinks. John, on the other hand, kept on drinking one after another, and within two hours was so smashed he could hardly stand up. I felt bad for the guy, especially since his speech was so slurred he couldn't call for a cab to take him home. So, being the nice girl I am, I took him home with me and let him sleep in the lobby of my apartment until I kicked him out the next morning. John never called me again, but I didn't care. I'd rather date someone who wanted to take the time to get to know me, not the alcohol at my favorite bar.
~ Alice
Two days later John called and asked me if I wanted to meet for drinks after work sometime. Because I was still new to the city and unsure of myself, he suggested we meet at a pub in my neighborhood. I thought this sounded like a great idea, so I met him at my favorite bar just a few blocks away from my new apartment.
John kept buying the two of us gin & tonics, probably trying to get me to loosen up a little bit, as he could tell I was nervous. However, being a smart woman, I try to avoid drinking with people I barely know, so I only sipped one of the drinks. John, on the other hand, kept on drinking one after another, and within two hours was so smashed he could hardly stand up. I felt bad for the guy, especially since his speech was so slurred he couldn't call for a cab to take him home. So, being the nice girl I am, I took him home with me and let him sleep in the lobby of my apartment until I kicked him out the next morning. John never called me again, but I didn't care. I'd rather date someone who wanted to take the time to get to know me, not the alcohol at my favorite bar.
~ Alice
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